Advice for a lasting marriage

I was sorting through some old papers recently and came across a stack of brightly colored note cards. Dearly loved women from my past wrote these cards for me at my bridal shower. Some have recipes, others scraps of wisdom or helpful tips. The thoughtful advice from seasoned matriarchs and the practical counsel penned on that day are just as encouraging now as they were then.

In fact, the notes speak to me more today, after almost 18 years of marriage, as I now know for myself what it means to have a loving, fruitful marriage. I'm so grateful to the Lord for putting so many wonderful older women in my life as I entered into marriage. Their examples still bear fruit in my life today.

Here are some of the notes I received in June 1991:

* Remember to show and tell each other often how much you love, respect and appreciate each other. Give each other lots of compliments. Don't criticize each other. Try not to correct each other, especially in front of other people. Take control of your thoughts. As much as possible, replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Be happy!

* Hold hands when you are having a "disagreement".

* Marriage is not 50-50. It is 100% of effort by each person.

* Try very hard to set aside time just for you and your husband, especially after you have children. Go on a date or do something special, at least once a month. You won't regret it!

* Never end the day with a grudge.

* "Never, never, never give up." --Winston Churchill

* Start out your marriage the way you want it to be. It is difficult to change after the pattern is set.

* First of all, keep your eyes upon the Savior who gave His life for all. Be sure to read His word every day and let it be a pattern for your lives. Don't ever let the sun go down until you've forgiven each other if you've had a bit of a quarrel. Tell each other "I love you" every day. We have a little thing between us that we squeeze each other three times, and that means the same thing. Have fun.

* Support each other as you encounter life's challenges; this will make you strong in each others' love.

* Put your arms around your husband and tell him that you love him (and count to 10 before you let go), as many times as you can, during the day.

* Take long walks together. Walking is the best time to talk.

* Remember to keep your friendship alive. Your husband is your best friend. Let the Lord be the Lord and the head of your home. I know this is your desire.

Some of these women have gone to be with the Lord now, after decades of faithful marriage. Others are getting older, but are still holding hands, hugging and taking walks with their husbands. As for me, I am grateful to God for 18 wonderful years with my beloved.

I'm planning to attend two July weddings this summer. The brides were both little girls when I said my vows. I offer them the same advice that was given to me: Laugh together. Walk and talk together. Forgive each other. Keep Christ as the head of your home. Read the Word. Pray together. Remember that you are each others' best friend, so always take time for each other. Give 100%, all of the time. And Never, never, never give up!

We have a winner....I think!

Mary Jo, you won the random drawing for the Nathan Clark George CD. Congratulations! But I don't have any way to contact you....you didn't leave me an email address or a Google user name. If you see this post, please contact me about your CD. Otherwise, I'll choose another winner from the original entrants.

Music Give-away! Win a Nathan Clark George CD

In honor of the Ultimate Homeschool Expo I am doing two give-aways this week! Over on Counter-cultural School I'm giving away one free ticket to the Ultimate Homeschool Expo. Read all about it and enter to win here.

Here on Counter-cultural Mom blog I'm thrilled to be giving away the last of my Nathan Clark George CDs. I've already given out one of his CDs, as well as the DVD documentary and Live Concert, which has excellent music and details the life Nathan and his family live, homeschooling their large family on the road in an RV.

Nathan was named Acoustic Artist of the Year recently, and the CD I am giving away, Pull Up a Chair, won the Momentum Award Album of the Year at Indie Heaven.

If you didn't read my review when I did my last Nathan Clark George give-away on Counter-cultural School, you can read the full review here. Nathan is one of my favorite artists, and I'm pleased to be giving away this wonderful CD.

You can order the DVD, CD, or listen to samples of the music from Pull up a Chair here. Or click on the playlist to hear some of Nathan's music.

Leave a comment here to be entered to win this CD. If you put a link with the contest URL on your blog, on your Facebook page or if you tweet about it on Twitter, you'll get extra chances to win (four opportunities per person if you do everything!) Just leave me an individual comment for each entry, please, along with the URL to your blog post or letting me know about your FB post or Tweet.

Contest ends Thursday night at 9 pm EST. Winner will be announced on Friday.

The Ultimate Homeschool Expo

Last year, one session from The Ultimate Homeschool Expo changed our homeschool forever. I listened to Terri Johnson from Knowledge Quest Maps share about how they use historical feasts in their homeschool. As I listened, I decided then and there to incorporate historical feasts in our coming school year.

What a joy it was! We made so many fun memories, from our Egyptian Feast to our Passover Feast, and all the feasts in between. Turns out we did 10 feasts last year!

Just as important, this message was very freeing for me. I've always felt bad that I'm not a crafty homeschooler and that I couldn't get excited about hands-on activities. The idea of holding feasts changed my perspective on how I homeschool....why not work from my strengths more often instead of always fighting against my weaknesses? That change in attitude has given me a lot of joy this year, and it has spilled over into my approach to hands on tasks, as well. Turns out, I can enjoy hands-on after all, if we make Cookie Dough maps instead of Salt Dough, or do Decoupage instead of weaving.

I'm giving away a ticket to this year's Ultimate Homeschool Expo over on my Counter-cultural School blog. Click here to read more about the Expo and to enter for a chance to win!

The Worst Day of the Year

I found this old post tonight in my unprinted drafts....I decided to publish it as a "better late than never" kind of thing...

Today was the day I have been dreading....the worst day of the year. It was not what you'd think.

No annual physical, no spring cleaning in the children's rooms, no fillings at the dentist would get me down like this.

I know I am pathetic. The day I dread, above all other days, is our homeschool group's annual Valentine's Day Skating Party.

Memories of past skating parties floated through my thoughts as I lay in bed this morning, steeling myself for the day, and ticking off the reasons in my mind why I dread this day.

First, it must be known that none of my kids can skate. The skating party, for me, is a whirlwind of lacing up skates and taking off skates. By the time I have put skates on three kids, one has decided to remove their skates. Five minutes later, skating jealousy sets in and the child in question wants to put their skates on again.

Then there is the tug of war. I walk around the rink with my arms stretched out (one child holding my left hand and a chain of two kids attached to my right) while experienced skaters whizz by on either side. We take four or five steps before someone falls and I must find a way to support the two children on my right hand while dragging the one on my left side back to his feet. Then the two on the right hand trip over one another and we start the tug of war again. Inevitably, our littlest has to go to the bathroom when we are at the furthest opposite corner of the rink. I ask myself, "Will we ever make it in time?".

Every year I have looked enviously toward the mothers at the snack bar. They laugh and talk about curriculum over Diet Coke and cupcakes while I try to adjust the baby skates so that the wheels only roll forward.

I knew my attitude was bad, and I determined to adjust it. Why am I always so frustrated and annoyed at the skating party? The answer is just as pathetic as my attitude. It's because I want to sit and drink Coke and talk with my friends while my kids take care of their own needs.

On no other day of the year do I expect this. My days are full of caring for their needs, and I am glad to serve them. So why should this day be any different? I decided in advance that I would not even dream of sitting down to chat, or of doing anything other than putting on skates, playing tug of war, and taking off skates.

As it turns out, everyone had a wonderful time, including me. Changing my expectations changed everything! When I expected to enjoy myself, I felt put out by my tedious duties. But when I expected to serve, I was able to enjoy serving, and able to appreciate the stolen snatches of conversation, the chance to sit down for a few minutes and the joy of being with my children.

Ultimate Homeschool Expo: Tune in on Tuesday

It's that time again! The Ultimate Homeschool Expo is about to launch. If you aren't familiar with this, it is awesome! You can buy a ticket to this virtual conference and listen to dozens of audio recordings with leaders in the homeschool community, shop at the virtual vendor hall, get some goodies in your mommy grab bag and enjoy fellowship with other homeschoolers in the conference room....all from the comfort of your own home! You don't even have to get out of your pajamas if you don't want to.

I'll be speaking twice this year, and you can tune in live for free to my preview talks--or to any of the other preview talks. Or, you can grab a ticket and get access to everything the UHSE has to offer.

I've prepared two new talks for this expo. Tomorrow (Tuesday, May 19th) I'll be speaking at 1 p.m. CST on the topic Temptation and the Married Woman.

Then next Tuesday, May 26th, I'll be speaking at 10 a.m. CST on Choosing the Best Books: Building Your Home Library. I'd love to have you join me!

You can log in online to listen from your computer, or you can phone in to listen to the messages. We'll be recording on blog talk radio.

Here are the details:
Call-in (Call in on your phone, cell-phone, or SKYPE):
(347) 205-9175

Or log in on your computer.